Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I have been together for over 10 years and have three children together aged 7, 4 and 2. When our first was born I gave up going out and drinking – no complaints.
I have the feeling that the children are well taken care of. However, her moodiness and spending habits have deteriorated. I don’t usually complain about this, but if she asks I’ll be honest. Sometimes this leads to me being yelled at.
I’m not perfect, but I’m damn good. I cook at least half the meals, shop at least half the groceries, spend a lot of time reading and playing with the kids, and I try to include them in everything I want to do: hunting, fishing, watching movies/sports, Play anyway. But when I suggest it, she doesn’t like it.
She yelled at me for buying a house for us, even though I had been yelled at for years because we were renting.
She’s pissed that although she didn’t contribute anything to the purchase, I wouldn’t put her on the deed due to her past bankruptcies.
We agreed to split the household bills and mortgage (“rent” as she calls it) 50/50, but she always falls behind on her payments.
I am willing to contact an attorney to draw up eviction papers.
I prefer to have the kids with me 100 percent. Fifty-fifty is what she wants.
On a 50/50 basis, I find it highly unfair that I owe her anything.
The fact that I make three times what she does means I have to pay for her choosing a bad career? Ridiculous.
Basically, I want my children and I want to get on with my life. I’d rather not drag her through the mud in court, even though I think she’s emotionally abusive to me and the kids.
Seriously, my best plan right now is to mail her the eviction papers if she keeps being mad all the time.
Any better suggestions?
– Mr. Pretty Dang Good father
Dear Mr Good, First this: You may not be able to “shoo” your woman out just because you want her out.
Money is of course a key issue for you, but you earn three times what your partner earns and yet you both split your mortgage and expenses 50/50. Why is that? Depending on which state you live in, income earned during your relationship may also be considered “community property.”
Before separating the family, you should invite your children’s mother to counseling so that you can both learn better ways to behave.
A lawyer would keep you informed of your legal rights and responsibilities in relation to your children. If you really are a martyr to your screaming wife and not someone with a martyr complex, the court may award you sole custody, but if you share custody, you’ll probably be expected to help support the other because You the high earner is household; this is for the benefit of the children.
Mediation may be the least expensive (and least stressful) way for both of you to separate.
Dear Amy: My parents have been dead for many years.
I have a sibling who visits his grave every day and takes photos of the gravesite.
I don’t know why my siblings feel like they have to do this on a daily basis, but I don’t like getting pictures of the burial site. I find it quite strange.
I believe this is a bit of a delicate situation and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
How can I tell them I don’t want to receive the images?
– Sad sibling
Dear Sad: Memorial Day is not far away. If possible, you might want to visit your siblings and go to your parents’ grave together.
I hope you will not judge the decision to visit these tombs every day. Some people find cemeteries to be beautiful and quiet places to reflect (I happen to be one of those people).
Tell your sibling, “These pictures from the gravesite really make me sad. Can you do me a favor and not send them to me?”
Dear Amy: “Scale H0” was burdened by a moldy model railway layout in his father’s house. His father appeared to want to dispose of the set, but both men appeared to be conflicted.
He could turn this “model” train connection with dad into many real train adventures.
There are many trains throughout North America that offer scenic tours.
– Time well spent
Dear time well invested: i love this idea
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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