How is the family? Busy is the one word answer – Advice Eating

If you ask a parent of a school-age child what their weekends or evenings are like during the school year, you’ll likely get a similar response: “Busy.”

Part of modern parenthood often means serving as a part-time professional chauffeur to soccer practice or piano lessons, scout meetings or baseball games. It means making sure the uniforms are clean and the bags ready — or searching for the missing cleat or mitt until it’s found.

It can mean listening to your child practicing their very out of tune trumpet from a nearby room, trying to drown out the sound while supporting at the same time. It means countless mornings at cross-country track meetings or nights in the stands at baseball games.

It can mean eating in the car, rushing from one game or training session to the next. And when you have multiple children, sometimes the schedule requires the skills of a master organizer to keep on top of things.

When three or more children have activities at conflicting times, parents often have to “divide and rule,” relying on family, friends, or even babysitters to ensure all children go where they need to go.

So when people ask how I’m doing or how the kids are, there’s a one-word answer: “Busy.”

And I know I’m not alone. According to the Child Trends and Urban Institute, at least 83 percent of all American children participate in extracurricular activities. There is a good reason for this trend, as the activities promote personal achievement and the development of interpersonal skills. Children learn lessons about problem solving, working with others, and sportsmanship. But too much activity can be stressful not only for the kids but also for the parents.

When is it time to step back and give our kids a break?

I want my kids to participate. I want to open doors for them to discover their passions, meet new friends and become versatile people. But it seems like kids these days are so busy that they burn out easily. On the way to one of the children’s activities, my 13-year-old realized: she’s done with the sport.

Admittedly she is very athletic and of course competitive. Most of the sports she tried came naturally to her, a skill she didn’t inherit from me. She played football for nine years starting at the age of 3 until she burned out while traveling with association football. Part of me hopes that one day she will return. She has played softball in the church league every year and run cross country for the middle school team. She did basketball and karate. And now, she says, after this softball season is over, she’s done.

“What else would you like to do?” I asked our teenager.

“Stay home,” she replied.

Given the choice, our teen would probably prefer to stay in her bedroom and use her cell phone when she’s not at school. But my husband and I have a longstanding policy that our children must be involved in at least one activity.

“Tennis?” I asked her.

“No,” she replied.

“Art lessons?” I asked, knowing that she loves art.

“I’ll make art at home,” she said.

“Choir?” I asked.

“No,” she replied.

I decided to let the matter rest. I told her to think about activities that she enjoys—cooking, art, or other hobbies—and come up with some sort of extracurricular activity where we can put her in a class or team. And despite a lot of rolling eyes and gritted teeth, she agreed.

And then today a text message came to my cell phone.

“I want to write a book,” my daughter said.

I immediately thought back to my 13-year-old self, 27 years ago, curled up in a chair in my childhood bedroom, with an exercise book, writing creative stories. I wasn’t very extroverted and certainly not an athlete. I too was happiest at home, although my mother involved me in ballet and church choir. Maybe my teenage daughter is more like me than I initially thought.

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